As I previously mentioned, I approached my 30-year Reunion with a bit of trepidation. One of my greatest regrets in life has been that I lost contact with my closest friends from high school, so I was anxious...even eager...to attend the Reunion and see my old friends. On the other hand, I was concerned that my memories of those years had grown foggy and been mellowed by time. Did I remember those relationships correctly? Will those people remember me as fondly as I remember them? Will they remember me at all? Will those classmates with whom I made hormone-driven teen-aged mistakes even want to see me again?
They say we are each our own worst critic. Not only am I living proof of that, but in my case it can be expanded to read, "we are each our own hardest taskmaster." Early in life, I developed a strong foundation of principles by which I've always tried to live my life. While I've always believed myself to be an open-minded individual, willing to listen to any and all points of views, it has always taken overwhelming factual proof for me to make any modifications to the bedrock of my beliefs. Being Human, I've not always lived up to my Principles. And this is where I'm not only the hardest on myself, but also the most unforgiving. Because of this, I projected my own disappointment with myself into my former classmates, convinced they would see me the way I do. Way back in the dark recesses of my mind, the little voice I once heard referred to as 'Captain Paranoia' was whispering to me: "Hypocrite! Mr. High-and-mighty! No one wants to see this great big bag of wasted potential again!"
Right about now, a certain classmate with a PhD in Psychology is wishing she'd known about this when I was still in Tulsa. :)
Finally, I decided to face my demons. So I mentally duct-taped Captain Paranoia to a chair and bought my tickets for the Reunion. Come Hell or high water, I was going to get reacquainted with my old classmates...consequences be damned!
Next time...Once More into the Breach...
Until then, best regards...
© 2009 James P. Rice
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