Good day, Dear Readers!
HBO recently released a three part documentary entitled, Ren Faire. It’s about the behind the scenes maneuvers and negotiations that took place during and after the 2022 Season, and the beginning of the 2023 Season, at the Texas Renaissance Festival, centered around the 87 year old owner of TRF wanting to find a successor, or even purchaser, to take over the Faire so that he can retire. While it was billed as a documentary, and even partially produced by HBO Documentaries, it was in fact a ‘reality’ show similar to The Kardashians or even Real Housewives of Atlanta.
I must admit that I was hesitant about writing this. As many people can attest, The Texas Renaissance Festival is my Happy Place…my home away from home. My wife Marilyn and I have loved Renaissance Faires for years, attending various ones as ‘Patrons’ since before we got married. When we moved to Central Texas, we realized that TRF was a just day trip from our home, so we went at least every other year. I eventually auditioned for and was part of the professional Performance Company at TRF for 12 years, portraying two different historical European Nobles as well as Father Christmas. Even though, as a member of a professional company of performers, it was a paying gig, it ultimately cost us more to participate every year than I actually made. When asked why I did this, I usually simply reply, “I clearly don’t do it for the money, plus it’s cheaper than paying for therapy.” I tell you all this because, once you read my little review, you’ll probably conclude that I will never be able to return to TRF as a performer as long as George Coulam is in charge, and you’ll probably be correct.
A little background on TRF: it was founded by George Coulam in 1974 on the site of an abandoned strip mine in what was then the most economically depressed county in Texas. From a business standpoint, this was a good move because the land was cheap and only a 45 minute drive from the second largest city in the state. Still, no one is really sure how a failed artist managed to raise even that small amount of capital. As George himself mentions in the show, his immediate family hated him and he hated them, so it’s unlikely he got any money from them, even though his ‘official’ biography mentions that one of his brothers helped him purchase the land. There are also rumors that either a distant relative or friend died and left him some money that allowed him to move to Texas from Utah and start TRF.
Because of his dislike of any authority that is not him, ‘King’ George incorporated the City of Todd Mission in 1982 that encompassed all of his property in an attempt to minimize the ‘interference’ by county and state regulators. By 2009, The Texas Renaissance Festival was the largest Renaissance Festival/Faire in North America, the largest fixed-location Renaissance Festival/Faire in the world (there are two larger ones in England that are ‘tent faires’ with no permanent structures that aren’t always at the same location every year), as well as being the largest outdoor bar in North America. Today, George owns over 800 acres of Grimes County, including the 200 acres that hold his manor and mausoleum, most of which are within the city limits of Todd Mission. George is also the only Mayor that Todd Mission has ever had.
Ren Faire quickly establishes the three ‘heirs apparent’, Entertainment Director Jeff Baldwin, Vendor ‘Lord’ Louie Migliaccio, and Vendor Coordinator Darla Smith:
Ø Jeff Baldwin started at TRF in 1976 as a face painter, became a performer, is even a successful actor away from TRF, has been the Entertainment Director for the last two decades and (in my humble opinion) one of the biggest reasons for the continued increasing success of TRF for at least the last 15 years. After the 2021 Season, George made Jeff the General Manager of the Faire and Jeff appointed his Assistant Director and wife, the eminently qualified Brandi Baldwin, to the position of Entertainment Director. More than just an office administrator, Jeff will assume a character and walk the paths, interacting with the Patrons whenever he has time. Throughout the show, Jeff is the appeaser in a sea of intrigue that would be right at home in any Renaissance-era Court. He’s always honest with George, wanting ‘The King’ to keep the reins so that their shared vision of the Faire can continue.
Ø Louie Migliaccio started at The Texas Renaissance Festival in the early 2000s, owning the Kettle Corn concessions and becoming ‘Lord of the Corn’. He expanded his roaming ‘kettle crack’ (yes, it’s that good!) hawkers to include roaming pickle and rose sales. He now also has a fixed location pub with a stage for music and comedy acts. Louie always dresses in the appropriate garb for a Faire day and walks the paths, but is out of character more than he’s in. Being part of a successful business family (one of his relatives is a successful real estate mogul), Louie is business savvy and very devious. A recovering alcoholic, he has exchanged that addiction for one for energy drinks which he frequently chugs throughout the show. Louie wants to purchase the Faire from George and change it to a year-round venue that includes EDM festivals.
Ø Darla Smith ran away from home as a teen to join the renfaire circuit. At some point along the way, she developed a love for exotic animals and managed to purchase an elephant. She owns the elephant and camel ride concession at TRF and George hired her to be the Vendor Coordinator for the Faire in 2019. While Darla is very sociable with the vendors and performers, I personally have never seen her interact with Patrons on path, only at her elephant and camel ride. She is a sycophant who secretly supports Louie in his endeavor, but also wants power for herself. By the end of the show, she is clearly in way over her head.
Anyone who knows any of the principles of this show can tell that it is definitely not a documentary. The only person not acting to some extent or another is George. In the show, and based on what I personally know of him, he is vain, nowhere near as smart as he thinks he is, selfish, decadent, rude, greedy, crass, degenerate, a bully, and as arrogant as an Egyptian Pharaoh or Roman Emperor. He gives people tasks, prevents them from performing them, then verbally abuses them for failing to meet his deadline. He fails to make his instructions and desires clear, then excoriates his people for not knowing exactly what he wants. I’ve heard people describe his house as “creepy”, but in truth it reflects the taste of an ignorant person trying to recreate how he thinks a late Renaissance or early 18th century palace would have been decorated. In short, in my opinion, George Coulam is batshit crazy.
If Ren Faire doesn’t convince you of this, then here is an event from my own experience. One Saturday, during either the 2013 or 2014 Season, ‘The King’ decided to have his own version of The Dating Game at the picnic pavilion then known as the New Market Arbor. As his staff started canvassing the Faire for young women to participate, word quickly spread through the Participants…the vendors and performers. We all quickly began to hide every woman under 30, and as young as 15, in storage areas, in the Participants campgrounds, and any other remote locations we thought of to protect them from that old letch. Quite frankly many of us, especially people who saw the event, were surprised that no charges of sexual harassment resulted from that debacle.
All in all, Ren Faire is a reality miniseries with a very high cringe factor.
Until next time, my Friends, be well…
© 2009, 2024 James P. Rice
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